


Your Love Alone Is Not Enough

by SkyWasMadeofAmethyst



Category: Dan Avidan - Fandom, Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feeling Unappreciated, Feeling lonely, Married Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 04:28:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13873128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyWasMadeofAmethyst/pseuds/SkyWasMadeofAmethyst
Summary: You knew that Dan's career would always come first. You had always told yourself that you were okay standing back and supporting him. It's a lonely existence though; standing back waiting for him.  An argument on your anniversary forces some ugly truths to come out between Dan and you.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was sent to me as a request on tumblr. Someone wanted a fight between Dan and the reader almost leading to a breakup. Angst happened. I'm now more depressed than usual. This is not the fluff I know.

You loved Leigh Daniel Avidan so much it hurt. Wasn’t love not supposed to hurt though? It wasn’t supposed to hurt like this.

You were so sick of hurting. 

You had always known that when it came to Dan his career was of the upmost importance. He had struggled so long and so hard to get himself to a point in his career where he could find some success.

You had been there through a big chunk of that struggle. When you had met all those years ago back in Brooklyn Dan had been living hand to mouth working himself to exhaustion trying to survive day to day and get Peter’s and his band Skyhill the attention it deserved.

Skyhill had made an album; Run with the Hunted. That was how Dan and you had met. They’d been selling albums out of the back of an old crummy band after a show at some bar on a shitty side of town.

You had taken your younger sister out to see the show. Jayne was visiting the big city and you had wanted to show the eighteen-year-old a good time. It was the first time she’d ever left your pathetic little hometown down in Arizona.

You had escaped three years prior to attend college. You had only made it out due to the scholarship you’d worked your ass off for.

You had bought four CDs from Peter and Dan. That was what had caught Dan’s attention. It was the most CDs they’d ever sold to one person. You had bought one for yourself, one for your roommate back at the dorms, one for a friend, and one for your younger sister.

Dan had gotten your number under the guise of Skyhill possibly having some merch your sister and you might be into, of course later he’d admitted that he’d gotten your number because he had thought you were kind of cute.

You were a little younger than him of course, not by much but still. You had barely been twenty-one years old and Dan had been twenty-eight.

He had called you when he’d found out some shirts were being printed. There were only going to be a few made. The plan was the try to sell them after the next gig. He’d offered to bring a few to your dorm.

Your relationship had sort of blossomed from that point. He’d asked if he was allowed to keep calling you and you had said yes.

Once you’d started dating you’d been pretty inseparable. You had done your best to play the “Rockstar” girlfriend. You had attended every show. You had helped try to sell merch out of the back of that shitty van. You had even passed out CDs to everyone you knew.

Still it hadn’t been enough though. Skyhill had broken up due to pure frustration from lack of exposure. They had tried so hard to get their band off the ground but had run out of gas before they could get close to taking off.

Dan had felt like a failure. This was his second big attempt at making it big. This was his second big failure.

You had done your best to reassure him, to build him back up.

When he had decided to make a fresh start of things and make a move to Philadelphia he had asked you to go with him. You had very little hesitation about saying yes. Your parents had been livid. You had graduated recently from university with a bachelors’ degree in Sociology. Your parents had hoped that you would jump right into the workforce, but you weren’t following the plan you’d laid out years before.

You were following Dan. That was the entire summary of Dan’s and your relationship; you sacrificed for him, you followed him. You had followed him to Philly and you had followed him to Los Angeles.

You had taken an exhausting job in Los Angeles at a social outreach program. You worked tirelessly draining yourself physically and emotionally only to come home to a usually empty house.

Dan’s and your work schedules were so stacked high that it barely left time for each other.

You tried your hardest to make it work. When you’d gotten married you had hoped things would change.

They really hadn’t changed at all though. Dan worked and you stayed in the background trying to put aside your own loneliness. You had done your best to keep on supporting him.

You had endlessly supported him. You had let yourself be shoved to the backburner so Dan could focus on his career. You had always claimed that you did it out of belief in him, out of love for him.

What happened when love wasn’t enough though?

 

You had always tried to say that you would never make him choose between you and his dreams. It would be nice to feel like you were part of those dreams though.

It was your wedding anniversary. Dan had made reservations to a nice restaurant downtown. You had been excited. Dan was actually showing some initiative. You had thought he was actually taking charge; fighting for you. You had hoped that he was showing you he still cared.

He was over an hour late though. You had been sitting alone for an hour and a half now and the only thing you’d heard from him was a text apologizing for his lateness.

Something had come up with work; scheduling issues involving tour plans for NSP’s tour in a few months. 

He had told you to start without him; that he’d be there as soon as possible. You had been left to wait.

Once again you were left sitting on the backburner; waiting for Dan to remember you were there, waiting for Dan to pick you back up.

You were getting sick of waiting.

What happened when your love wasn’t enough?

 

The waitstaff felt sorry for you. You could see it in their eyes.

It was clear that Dan had at the very least planned on making this a romantic night. He had picked a secluded little table with candle light and roses.

It had been another failure though. Another moment where you realized that when it came to Dan you would never place first in his heart.

You slammed money down onto the table feeling so mortified as you managed to mumble out a few apologies to the poor waiter who had been checking in on you for the past hour and a half.

It was almost pathetic the waiter had shown you more attention than you’d gotten from your own husband in months.

Ever since he’d gotten to work on NSP’s newest album and the big tour that was to follow he’d been absent more often than not.

It was becoming clear to you that love maybe just wasn’t enough.

Your plan had been to go home and pack a bag; stay at Arin’s and Suzy’s for a few days, get some space from Dan.

The longer you drove though the more enraged you became. Your heart was breaking. Your heart had been broken for so long now and you didn’t know what to do.

This was a time bomb waiting to go off. A fuse had been lit and you were ready to explode.

You knew where Dan would be and you found yourself switching lanes without any thought. You were sick of being his second choice.

………………..

Dan shifted on his feet his eyes flicking to the clock on his cell phone for the millionth time. He was late. He was beyond late.

Brent just wouldn’t shut up though. Dan kept on hinting that he had to go, that he was late for dinner with you. Brent wasn’t getting the hint though.

Dan knew he’d fucked up. It was a feeling he was growing accustomed to.

He loved you, he really truly did. You were his wife, his best friend, his everything. He’d done such a shitty job showing you that you were his everything though. He was selfish, he knew it. A voice in the back of his brain was always quick to remind him just how selfish he truly was.

He had hoped that tonight would be a new beginning. It was supposed to be a perfect romantic night. He was supposed to be showing you that you were still his everything. He was going to ask you to go on a vacation with him after he finished up with the tour. It was going to be an escape, a chance to rekindle things between you.

He was failing though. As hard as he was trying to fight it he was failing so much.

Dan gritted his jaw as Brent pointing down at the calendar pulled up on an open laptop. He spoke as he pointed down at a new date. “Okay so we can do the Hard Rock in Chicago here. They said they should be done with the remodels to their building by then. Would that work?”

Brian was quick to shake his head a sigh leaving his lips. “No, that’s my anniversary. I need to be home on that date. Rachel already made plans.”

Dan could feel Brian’s eyes shift to him an accusatory look on the man’s pale blue eyes. Dan knew he deserved the look.

He knew what Brian was trying to say. He was scolding him without even having to say one word.

Brian and you had developed a friendship over the years. So, Dan wasn’t shocked that Brian was clearly a bit pissed at him. Everyone knew it was your anniversary after all.

The three men turned to face the open door as a firm knock sounded on the door frame. Dan felt his heart sink as he spotted you.

You looked perfect. You’d worn that dress he loved; the blue sundress that made you look so sweet and girly. You’d pulled your hair up showing off the earrings he’d gotten for you for your last birthday; the little golden hearts.

It was clear you had been crying, your mascara had run.

You spoke stepping back as Dan attempted to make his way to you and embrace you. “We need to talk.”

Dan cringed at these words. He knew he deserved whatever you had to throw at him. This was a long time coming.

Dan was the first to speak as you both made your way to an empty office you flipping the lights on as Dan shut the door behind you. “I’m so sorry.”

“You always are.” You remarked finding it hard not to spit the words at him. You had grown more and more angry the closer you’d gotten to the Grump Space.

Your heartache was fading into rage and back into heartache again. You found yourself flipping back and forth between sorrow and anger.

Dan cringed at this statement knowing you had a point. He spoke making an attempt to fix this, to put you on the right track. “Let’s get out of here okay? I can turn off my phone. We can go wherever you want. Just let me fix this.”

 

You shook your head wanting to scream that there might not be a way to fix this. It would just be a band aid on a wound that had gotten infected way too long ago. “And what happens tomorrow? Or the next day? Or the day after that? What happens when you turn your phone back on? You’ll answer it and leave to take care of shit…you always do. You’ll disappear just like you always do. What happens when the next project falls into your lap? What happens when I’m left alone waiting for you to remember I exist?”

“That isn’t fair. You can’t throw that in my face. It’s my job. I can’t just ignore calls. You know I’ve been working my ass off trying to make things work in my career. You know I’ve made sacrifices too.” Dan snapped wanting you to see his side of things so badly.

Maybe that was the problem though, he realized. Maybe he never saw your side of things?

You shook your head wiping at your eyes as you spoke refusing to cry again. “You don’t have to agree to whatever’s being asked of you though. You can always say no.”

Dan shook his head his frustration peeking up. He was frustrated with the situation but mostly he was frustrated with himself. “I can’t say no. I’ve worked so damn hard to get here. I have to take every opportunity that’s thrown at me. You should know that better than anyone. You saw where I was back in 07. You’ve seen me struggle to make ends meet and get my career off the ground. I’m finally in a place where I can give us a nice life. I am finally in a place where I can say I’ve found some success. I’m not a failure anymore.”

He spoke again the words cutting through you, him regretting them the second they left his lips. “You didn’t complain when I was able to buy us a nice place to live. Or when I was able to buy you a new car.”

He closed his eyes mentally kicking himself for the comment as soon as he said it. He was just so angry with himself. He wanted to turn this back on to you. He wanted to focus on something other than his own guilt.

“I never asked for any of that. I was perfectly happy when we were living back in that shit apartment in Philly and taking the bus everywhere. I didn’t fall in love with you looking to become some kind of trophy wife. Fuck you if you think that. Is that seriously what you think of me!?” You snapped unable to stop yourself from poking him in the chest.

You wanted to slap him for that comment, but you held back. You were better than that.

You spoke again wanting to get all the pain out in the open. You wanted him to understand how bad you felt. You wanted him to feel as bad as you did.

“I have always been there Leigh! I have supported you every single fucking step of the way! That’s the story of our lives isn’t it? Me supporting you, me waiting for you!”

Dan shrunk back at this statement his brain screaming that you were right. He shook his head too stubborn to admit that you were right about everything. “You knew what you were getting into when we met. I told you about my dreams. You knew that I would do whatever it takes to make it.”

You shook your head a sigh leaving your lips. “Yeah I did. I knew about your dreams. It would be nice to actually be a part of those dreams though instead of some kind of afterthought.”

“Of course, you’re part of those dreams! I wouldn’t have married you if you weren’t part of my dreams.” Dan exclaimed his hand throwing up in frustration as he tried in vain to defend himself.

You scoffed at the comment knowing you were being immature, but you hurt so much. You just wanted him to hurt. You wanted him to understand. “Oh, I’m your wife? I guess I forgot about that! It’s not like I’ve seen you enough these past few months to make it seem like we’re even married!”

“You know I’ve been working my ass off on that album and planning the tour. You’re being immature about this. You know I’ve been working so hard.” Dan tried to defend himself shrinking back from your statement.

He cringed at the last part of his statement. Your parents had thrown those very words at you when you’d announced that you were marrying him ‘You’re being immature.’

He shrunk back as you glared at him your gaze icy cold as the words slipped through your lips. “Fuck you Leigh.”

The room was silent for a long moment the tension in the air so thick.

You were the one who finally spoke breaking that silence spilling your heart out. “I always have tried to say that I support you because I love you…I’ve always told myself that the loneliness, the heartache, you being absent more often than not…that it’s all okay because I love you…because I’m doing what I’m supposed to do, supporting you. Me loving you isn’t enough though, not at the end of the day Dan…not when it feels like I’m the only one supporting you.”

Dan felt his heart crack at these words. He wanted to drop down to his knees; to reassure you that he loved you. He wanted to drop to his knees and promise that he’d do whatever it took to make you feel loved and supported.

You spoke again not giving him a chance to do any of this. “I have always said I wouldn’t make you choose between me and your career…Maybe that was wrong though.”

You clutched down onto your purse making your way to the door the words leaving your lips. “Just…think about what you want Leigh…I’m tired of being your second choice…I’m sick of feeling like I’m not even a choice…Just do me a favor and think about rather you still want us or…or rather you want your career more…I…I wouldn’t ask you to leave it all…but I have to know that there’s room for me there too.”

You said one final thing as you left the room. “Just decide what you want…I’m probably going to go stay with Rachel and Brian for a little while…or maybe Arin and Suzy…Just think about what you want. I can’t hurt like this…not anymore.”

As the door shut behind you Dan dropped down to his knees the tears flowing. He had to make a choice. He knew what the choice would be.

It was you, it was always you.

He wanted to follow you and scream that it was you, you were always his first choice even if he’d failed to show you so.

He found himself unable to move though the guilt too encompassing.

Dan knew that he had to make some changes. He had to find a way to fix this. Love wasn’t enough, it was going to take some sacrifice on his part as well. It was time he started to make some real sacrifices.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say. I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

Dan wasn’t sure how long he remained on the floor. He rocked back and forth as loud sobs began to wreck his thin frame. He stayed down on the floor unable to move as he allowed himself to be swallowed by despair.

You deserved better, you deserved so much better. He had been so selfish. When he’d married you, he had promised to love you above all others. He had assumed that just meant that he was promising to remain faithful to you.

Now he realized what that it meant more than that though. Promising to love you above all others meant to be faithful, but it also meant to put his love for you above all else. He was supposed to put the love he felt for you above every other thing in his life.

He had failed to do that and now you were gone. You had finally reached your limit. He had ignored your needs for so long now. He had put himself and his own selfish wants above you. He had put his career above you.

You had been placed last in his life. It wasn’t fair to you. You had been so miserable all this time and he had turned a blind eye to it.

A cruel voice in the back of his head told him to let you go, to allow you to find someone who would treat you the way you deserved.

His heart screamed over that voice though, his heart told him that he wasn’t ready to give you up, not without a fight.

He couldn’t do this without you; living, making his career work. He couldn’t make his life work without you. He needed you.

Dan had no idea how to fix any of this. His mind struggled to place the pieces together; to find the solution to all his mistakes.

He cringed as Brent entered the room his dark eyes landing on Dan’s pathetic tear streaked form. “What happened man? Brian just took your wife home with him. She was a mess. Did you guys get into a fight? I know I made you late tonight. I didn’t mean to start this shit between you two.”

“It was me. It was all me…I’ve put everything above her for so long now…I missed our fucking anniversary so I could talk about tour dates…something that could have waited until tomorrow. I always put what I want and need above what she needs and deserves.” Dan cried the words spilling from his lips as he continued to sob.

He could feel himself slipping into a full-blown panic attack. In the past when he’d found himself locked into a panic attack you had always been there to hold him, to reassure him, to make things seem alright.

How many times had you needed his reassurance since his career had taken off? How many times had he failed to give you comfort?

Brent shifted in place as he tried his best to soothe Dan’s despair. “It’s part of your job Dan. You have to make decisions at the last moment sometimes. You’ve always been passionate when it comes to the Grumps and especially NSP….”

Dan interrupted Brent shaking his head his rage threatening to take over. “My job is also to be [Y/N’s] husband. I have been doing a shit job at that. I’m going to lose her forever if I don’t find a way to fix this.”

Dan spoke again knowing what the first part of getting his wife back would be. “You have to cancel the tour.”

Brent dropped his jaw this order catching him totally off guard. “We’ve sold sold out shows all tour long. I can’t just pull you guys out at the last second. People are going to be pissed. The label is going to be pissed.”

“I don’t care. We’ll send out refunds and reschedule the tour. The record label can deal with me if they’re that pissed off. I am not losing my wife because of my own selfishness.” Dan spat out his hands digging into his scalp as he struggled to calm himself.

He spoke again shaking his head. “I will take all the fallback from any pissed fans. I’ll make a video…explain things without going into too much detail. I have to fix this Brent. I refuse to lose [Y/N] because I’m a selfish prick who chooses a tour over my wife’s wellbeing.”

And with that Brent shrank back realizing there was no way he could talk Dan into proceeding with the tour.

Dan was making his choice.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

You cried all the way to Dan’s and your house. You laid in the backseat sobbing as Brian attempted to balance soothing you and driving at the same time.

You had almost feared Dan would be at home when you walked in but the house was dark and as empty as ever.

You could remember when Dan and you had purchased the home the year before. You had both been so thrilled. This was the first home either of you had ever actually full on purchased. For the first time in your adult lives you would be buying a home instead of renting.

The house was in a quiet suburban neighborhood. It was a simple little two-story house. You had fallen in love with the open floor plan and the big backyard. A big backyard had been a nice touch especially when the houses were packed so close together. Dan had promised you a space in the backyard for a little veggie garden.

You grimaced as you remembered Dan’s cruel comment about how you had no complaints about his schedule when he had the money to have bought this home. You knew the words had been said in the heat of an argument, but still they had hurt.

It hurt all the more when you were overtaken with such joyful memories of the first night Dan and you had in this house; how you had made the unsuccessful attempt to make love on an air mattress the two of you giggling as the mattress rocked and slumped it coming close to deflating.

That playful night had seemed like a lifetime ago. You had been so full of hope; excited about your future together.

What was that future now? Was your future a life without Dan? The thought was debilitating. It made you want to collapse and fall to pieces. It made you want to scream. A life without Dan wasn’t living.

You packed your bags quickly trying hard not to fall apart as you caught sight of Dan’s and your wedding photo.

Your wedding had taken place outdoors at this butterfly house you loved. You had bought a lace bohemian styled gown from a little boutique. You had worn yellow flowers in your hair and Dan had giggled because butterflies kept landing on you. The butterflies were so attracted to the flowers. You had laughed as they’d landed in Dan’s hair as well. Dan’s family had been so ecstatic about the wedding. Your own family hadn’t attended out of disapproval of Dan. Only your sister had been present for the wedding. Despite your family’s absence it really had been the happiest day of your life.

You debated taking the photo with you, but you couldn’t force yourself to look at it any longer. It hurt too much to see you both so happy and filled with love.

Brian spoke as you climbed into the passenger’s seat of his car your backpack clutched in your hands. You refused to fall apart again. You weren’t going to climb into the backseat and curl up into a ball of despair. “What happened?…I mean aside from the obvious fact that Danny is an idiot.”

You flinched as though you’d been burned, the sound of Dan’s name hurting. “I can’t be second place anymore…I love him, but I’m sick of feeling like I don’t even rate on the scale of what’s important to him. I don’t think loving him is enough anymore.”

Brian cringed torn between his loyalty to both Dan and you. He wanted to scream when he’d arrived at your place to find that Dan wasn’t there. Dan should be there on his knees begging forgiveness.

Yes, Brian understood Dan’s drive for success, but he also understood what it was like to be married. Sometimes you had to set aside that drive for the sake of your marriage. It took sacrifices on both sides.

Dan needed to make a sacrifice. He had to find a way to change or he was going to lose the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Brian was tempted to yank out his cell phone and dial Dan’s number. He wanted to scream these words at him, to make him understand that it wasn’t all about him, not since he’d fallen in love with you.

Brian held back though. Now wasn’t the time for that conversation. Now was the time to take care of you.

You needed a friend right now, and Brian would be that friend.

………………………………………………………………

Dan stood outside Brian’s house trying his best to work his nerve up and knock. It had been two days since that night. Dan had spent those past two days trying his best to figure this all out.

The tour had been cancelled. Dan had pulled himself together long enough to make a short video apologizing. He had used the excuse that some personal things had come up and he had to handle them. That had been all he had to say about it. He wasn’t inviting anyone into his relationship. He wasn’t going to let any irate fans rip his wife to shreds because he was finally putting you first.

Dan couldn’t help but to mentally beat himself up for not coming sooner. He should have followed you home that night. He should have come home and dropped to his knees. He should have begged for your forgiveness.

A voice in the back of his mind had told him to give you space though. To take the time apart trying to come up with a plan to fix all of this. He had to find a way to prove to you that he would put you first from now on.

He had to be a better man.

Dan frowned as his phone rang Brian’s number popping up on the screen. Brian spoke as soon as Dan clicked the accept call button. “Get in here you dumbass. You’ve been standing out there for twenty minutes now not knocking.”

Dan walked into Brian’s house not shocked by just how blunt Brian was being. He hadn’t spoken to Brian since that night either. He couldn’t find the words. He knew Brian was pissed at him. Brian knew that Dan was being selfish. He had called him on his bullshit before.

Dan spoke as Brian came into view the words falling out of his mouth. “Where’s my wife?”

“She isn’t here.” Brian snapped his temper threatening to take hold.

Dan sighed preparing himself to take Brian’s wrath. He deserved it. “Where is she?”

“Arizona.” Brian replied his arms crossing over his chest.

Dan felt himself deflate at Brian’s answer. You had gone back home. You were gone. Had you gone back to your parents’ place?

He knew he’d have no chance of getting to see you if that was the case. Your parents despised Dan. They thought he was a deadbeat musician without a clue. When Dan had found success with NSP and the Grumps your parents had called him an immature pervert.

Your parents had shown their disapproval openly when Dan had proposed to you. They had flat out tried to forbid you from marrying him. They had refused to give their blessing. They had told you that if you married Dan then you wouldn’t be welcome home ever again.

You had told them to go fuck themselves. You had chosen Dan. Dan had sworn to you that it was a choice you would never regret making. Then he’d screwed it all up.

“Is she at her parent’s place?” Dan dared to ask fearing that Brian would say yes.

Brian shook his head his short answers making it clear that he was struggling not to snap straight into yelling. “She’s at her sister’s place in Phoenix.”

Dan let out a small sigh of relief. If you were at your sister’s place he could see you. He could still get you back.

“I need to see her. I need to fix things.” Dan remarked his voice cracking as he tried not to fall apart.

Brian snapped at these words. “You should have been here days ago!”

“I know…I know, I just…I called but she sent the calls to voicemail…I had to settle some things and…” Dan tried to explain but Brian didn’t allow it the man still yelling as he interrupted him.

“You had to settle things! You still had things to settle! You still put your schedule above [Y/N]? What in the hell are you thinking? You have to change Dan. You need to stop your shit and fix things with your wife or she’s going to be gone forever. Do you have any idea how much she’s cried the past two days? She was convinced you were going to choose your career over her. She didn’t answer your calls because she convinced herself that you were going to present her with divorce papers. You have to fix this shit. I love you Danny, you are my best friend, but you are being a giant stupid selfish asshole. You need to walk away from everything, no questions asked, no warnings. You have to choose her. Choose her and worry about the rest of the shit when you fix things.” Brian lectured him Dan sinking back his eyes watering as he took in Brian’s words.

Brian was right, he was right about everything. Dan had to stop thinking. He had to just act.

“I need a plane ticket to Phoenix. I have to go get her.” Dan stated making his decision.

It was time to act. He was choosing you.

………………………………………………………………………….

You sat on your sister’s back porch the dry Arizona heat almost taking your breath away. You weren’t really sure what you were doing here. You had just decided to run. Everything had hurt and you had run hoping the pain would stay back in LA.

The pain had followed you though. It hung over you like a dark cloud.

You missed Dan. You missed your husband so much. You had wanted to answer his calls. You had wanted to call him yourself but fear kept you from making a move.

You feared the first words that would leave Dan’s mouth would be ‘I want a divorce.’

You were so afraid he would choose his dreams over you. You were afraid that you really weren’t a part of those dreams anymore.

You would have thought that you could have run out of tears by now, but you kept on crying. Your sister was growing worried, but you had tried to reassure her.

Your sister as asked why you were here. You had explained as vaguely as possible. When she had pressed for more information, you had clammed up.

The words just couldn’t leave your mouth. You were afraid if you told the whole story then the ending really would be Dan and you walking away from each other.

You tried not to fall apart again as you watched your nephew play in the sandbox in the backyard. Dan and you had wanted kids.

The time had never been right though. The time was never right was it? Having a family with Dan was just another one of your dreams you had shoved aside in order to support Dan in his career.

Watching your nephew play just brought back memories of lying in bed with Danny, Dan pressing kisses to your skin as he tickled you his voice teasing. “You want so many babies with me. You want all my babies. You want little jewfro’d kids everywhere.”

The memory had always put a smile on your face, but now it was like a knife to the heart.

You were so sick of hurting. Life shouldn’t be this painful.

You looked up from the glass of red wine you had been nursing as your sister entered the back yard a look of pure dread on her face. “Dan’s here.”

You almost spit out your sip of wine the words falling from your lips. “Here? As in here at your house?”

“Yeah…he’s on the front porch…I haven’t let him in yet. I wanted to see if you even wanted to see him…I know something big happened between you two.” Your sister explained.

She paused a fiery look entering her eyes. “Did he fucking cheat on you? I know he has fans…did some groupie get into his pants? Is that why you won’t tell me what happened? I swear to God if he cheated on you I will shoot him.”

You shook your head quick to speak and soothe your sister’s rage. “No. Dan wouldn’t cheat on me…He didn’t do anything like that…It’s just…It’s other issues.”

“Do you want to see him? I’ll send him to a hotel if you aren’t ready.” Your sister offered you letting out a heavy sigh.

Might as well get this over with. “No, let him in.”

Your sister nodded her head before calling out to your nephew. “Sam! Come on, let’s go inside okay. It’s nap time.”

You tried to give your nephew a tight smile but it came out so weak as the little boy came to his mother being led inside.

You took a big gulp of wine your eyes averting from the screen door as you heard Dan open it.

“I thought you hate wine.” Dan blurted out kicking himself for the comment. He was just shocked. You weren’t a big wine fan.

“It’s all my sister had. It was that or her husband’s beer. I hate beer. It tastes like cold piss.” You remarked still refusing to look at him.

Dan couldn’t stop the small laugh from leaving his lips at this comment. He bit back the laugh though knowing you might not take it well.

He didn’t want you to think he was just walking in here trying to pretend that everything was just fine.

Dan sat on the patio lounge chair beside you tempted to reach out and take your hand. He just wanted you to look at him.

He swallowed the lump in his throat resisting the urge to touch you. He wasn’t sure if you’d allow it.

You sat in silence for a long moment before Dan finally spoke saying the first words that entered his mind. “I talked to Brian…that’s how I found out where you were.”

“I had to leave his place…Audrey kept asking me what was wrong…I couldn’t explain it to her.” You explained your eyes still turned away from him.

You were terrified that if you looked at him you would see a folder in his hand. You know what would be in that folder; divorce papers.

You had nightmares about it; about him coming to you telling you he didn’t love you anymore. You dreamed about him shoving divorce papers at you insisting you sign them.

Dan spoke a heavy sigh leaving his lips. “You could probably start by telling her that Danny is a selfish idiot who had neglected the most important person in his life for way too long.”

You widened your eyes not expecting that response from him. You dared to turn to face him a small sigh of relief leaving your lips when you spotted that there was nothing in his hands; no scary folders.

He spoke again another heavy sigh leaving his lips as he remembered Brian’s advice; Stop thinking, just act. “I cancelled the tour…I don’t know if you saw the video I put up…I didn’t really explain why…just said it was personal. That I had to take care of some things.”

You furrowed your brow the words falling from your lips as you struggled to put together your thoughts. “Your record label put a lot of money into that tour…You had sold out shows…Your fans were looking forward to it.”

“None of that matters. None of it matters at all…You’re all that matters to me.” Dan exclaimed as he took a chance reaching out his large hand clasping over your tiny hand.

He spoke again knowing he had to spill his heart out to you. It was the only way he could fix any of this. “I have failed you as a husband…as a friend…as an everything. I’ve been so focused on my own needs…on my career. I let you extinguish your fire to light mine. When we got married I promised you I would always love, support, and honor you. I haven’t supported you and I sure as hell haven’t honored you. I have never stopped loving you though. Not even for a second.”

Dan paused his eyes beginning to water as he spoke again. “I…I thought about what I was going to say the entire flight here. I googled what it meant to honor your spouse…and you know what I found? To honor your spouse means to cherish their value. It means to talk to your spouse…not just at them. It means to give the best of yourself to them. Honoring you means fighting for you. I haven’t done a good job at doing any of those things. I have developed the habit of shoving you to the backburner in my life. I have made the mistake of assuming that you would just sit back and wait for me to finish up with my bullshit and pick you back up when I was done…that’s now a marriage is supposed to work. That’s not how love works. Loving someone is an exchange…it’s not just take…All I’ve done is take. I need to give. I want to give.”

He paused again knowing that his eyes were fully watering now. His nose was beginning to run as he was risking turning into a giant mess of ugly sobs. “I want to give everything to you. I want to be a better man for you. You deserve that. I’m asking you to please just give me the chance to be the man I know I can be for you, please…just let me prove that I can change for you…that I can love you above all else in my life…the way it was supposed to be from the start.”

You felt your own eyes water at this. Dan’s words hit you like a freight train. This wasn’t what you had expected to hear from him.

You were unable to stop yourself from expressing your darkest fears as you spoke. “I’m afraid the change won’t last…how many times have we tried Danny? I just…I don’t want things to get this bad ever again. I don’t want to hurt like this ever again.”

Dan reached into his jeans pocket presenting you with the one thing he hoped would prove that he was willing to make this change to you. “I can prove it…I can prove that I’m dedicated to doing whatever it takes to fix us. Marry me [Y/N] marry me again…we can renew our vows and make a fresh start. We can commit ourselves to each other in front of everyone we know again. We can make a vow to be the people each other deserves.”

You felt your eyes really water as you stared down at the ring in his hand. It was a simple ring a thin silver band with a small oval opal cushioned in the center of the band.

Dan spoke again fearing your silence meant the worst. “It’s a promise ring, a promise that I’m dedicated to stick to my promises. You can wear it on your right hand…we can get me a ring too…something to wear on my right hand…it can be sort of like a new set of wedding bands.”

You nodded your head your heart finally feeling whole once again. It felt fuller than it had in so long. “Okay…Yes. I want to marry you again. I want to be the people we deserve for each other.”

Dan pressed his lips to yours the ring sliding on your right hand. You placed your hands on his cheeks as the kiss deepened, Dan’s arms wrapping around you holding you close.

He was going to be a better man. He was going to put your first. You were both going to put each other first.


End file.
